Relative Directions

Ever had someone give you directions to a location using only relative directions?  A relative direction is one that is dependent upon something else.  So if you tell me to turn left off the highway by the big elm tree, you are giving me two relative directions.  The first, and most important, is the left turn.  If you tell me to turn left, left is relative to the direction that I was traveling.  If I was traveling east on the highway, a left turn would send me north.  If I was traveling west a left turn would send me south.  So if this relative directional turn sends me in the wrong direction, every instruction following is null and void.  The elm tree is also relative, being that there is potentially more than one along this particular highway, and there could be multiple roads close by each one of them.  So once I see this so-called elm tree, do I turn before or after it?  If you want to make sure you give someone proper directions, make sure you actually give them the directions.  If I need to turn north off of the highway, by the big elm tree onto Vineyard Road, tell me that.  In order to use relative directions you must tell me at least one absolute direction as a point of reference.  From that point on, the directions could possibly be (although I don't recommend it) relative, because you have started me in the right direction. But if you give me at least one absolute direction, I should be able to figure out the pattern of relativity.  Think back to Geometry class, if you have a triangle, and are told that the angle of one corner is 90 degrees, you can figure out the angle of the other 2 corners.  Because the angles are relative to each other, without having that crucial piece of information we cannot determine the other angles.  Geometry, much like directions, need a point of reference for the information to be accurate.  So please use North, South, East, and West in your directions at least one time, preferrably towards the beginning.  If these elude you, please buy a compass.

What's Up?

Have you witnessed two people passing on a sidewalk and one greets the other by saying "How's it going?" and the other responds "Hey, what's up?"  Did you notice that neither one of their questions were answered?  Phrases like "What's up?", "How are you doing?", or "How's it going?" have seemingly become rhetorical questions.  Is it because McDonaldization has taken over our society and we simply do not have the time to respond with a proper answer?  If this is the case why pose the greeting in the form of a question?  Why not simply say "Hi, have a good day.", and avoid any possible delays by having the person answer you?  Why must our greetings be shrouded by a question that we really don't care to hear the answer of?  If we simply do not care to know how one is doing, we should not ask.  Pretending to care is deceitful, asking someone "How are you doing?" and walking away is like a slap in the face.  We may have the intention of caring but if we ask in rhetoric, we actually show that we do not care.  My mom always said if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Some of you might say that you actually do care, and I believe some of you do.  But be honest think back to a time where you asked someone how they were doing, and they went into a long answer that started to sound like a country song.  Did you really stand there listening and engaged in the conversation offering helpful hints to all their problems?  I bet you were thinking, I really didn't need to know about the rash you are developing on your groin or I wish they would shut up so I can get back to what I was doing.  If we ask how someone is doing, we must be prepared for the answer.  If prior to asking you know that you aren't interested in the answer, simply say "Hi".

Wal-Mart

If you know me, you probably would have witnessed me looking at someone doing something inattentive and unaware of the world around them (which to me translates into stupidity) and saying "They must shop at Wal-Mart".  Wal-Mart is one of the worlds biggest retailers, because of this they are able to sell things at a reduced cost.  When you sell things cheap you bring all kinds of people to your store, visit http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ for proof.  You will definitely see some strange things while shopping there, but I am referring more to the way people act.  Have you ever tried to go to Wal-Mart and pick up one item that is only sold at the back of the store?  If you answered yes, then you too have embarked on the wild safari through the aisles of what we call Wal-Mart.  It seems as if everytime I must go to Wal-Mart I am constantly dodging people and carts that are stopping right in front of me, or turning around abruptly to try and hit me.  You also have the people that are moving really slow as if they are trying to keep you from your one item at the back of the store.  Those folks usually have a blank stare on their face as if to suggest they have no idea where they are or what they are looking for, all they know is they received $10 and intend to fill up a shopping cart with it.  Even though they are moving very slow, that won't stop them from abruptly stopping and blocking the only path to your one item, or turning around and trying to hit you with their cart.  Once you finally make it through the maze and boobie traps to your one item, you are rewarded to find it in stock, cheaper than most of it's local competitors.  However, you quickly realize that your journey isn't over, and you must now maneuver your way to the checkout, and then to your car.  Even once you get safely to your car, you realize that you must now maneuver through all the same people and their carts, just to leave the parking lot.  Once you are off of Wal-Mart property, you will be driving home and someone will pull out in front of you, proceed to go 15 mph under the speed limit, then abruptly turn on to a side street without signaling.  And you too will say "They must shop at Wal-Mart."

Chicken Fried Chicken

This has bugged me for a long time so I thought it would be a fitting title for my blog and a good debut post. Have you ever been to a restaurant and noticed that they have both "Chicken Fried Steak" and "Chicken Fried Chicken" on the menu? Let me tell you why this does not make sense.  Let's first define Fried Chicken.  To Fry Chicken one would typically coat the chicken with some sort of breading and fry it in hot oil.  So to say that we are going to make a "Chicken Fried Steak" is to say that we are going to make a steak like we would fry chicken.  We would take a steak, coat it with a breading, and fry it in oil.  So in regards to "Chicken Fried Steak" the "Chicken Fried" portion is an adjective that describes how one will cook the steak.  Simple enough right?  So then, in the case of "Chicken Fried Chicken" how do we fry the chicken like one would fry chicken?  If we were to fry the chicken as one would fry chicken, wouldn't it just be called "Fried Chicken"?  Isn't "Fried" a sufficient adjective to the word "Chicken" to describe how it will be prepared?  I could go on, but I would just be ranting.  The first time I saw "Chicken Fried Chicken" on a menu my faith in humanity died just a little bit.